President Trump’s trip through Europe ahead of a Helsinki meeting with Russian President Putin has included almost everything a public spectacle enthusiast could hope to witness:
But if the president’s summer European tour has been extraordinary—and it has—it has also lacked the powerful theme music that any self-respecting public spectacle should include. This failing is not just artistically suspect—it could be seen as a break in diplomatic protocol, perhaps even a slight with national security implications. “Little” North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, after all, has been promised a recording of Elton John’s song, “Rocket Man.” What does Trump have for the way more powerful Putin? So far as we know, nichego.
To avert a possible international incident, the Bulletin staff toiled overtime this week to compile a list of five songs, any one of which might make an appropriate musical gift, from Donald Trump to Vladimir Putin. (We’re sure there are others; add your musical gift suggestions in the comments section below, or tweet them to: @BulletinAtomic.)
And if either president wants a mixtape or playlist, just let the Bulletin know. We’re always happy to blend art with international affairs.
1. Artist: The Dead Kennedys
Song: “Back in the USSR”
Relevant lyric: Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out
They leave the West behind
And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
That Georgia’s always on my mind
Suggested tweet: The Beatles made it famous; these guys make it punk enough for Putin.
2. Artist: Rolling Stones
Song: “Sympathy for the Devil”
Relevant lyric: Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
Suggested tweet: What gift more appropriate 4 man w/everything—even ICBM named Satan 2?
3. Artist: Pussy Riot
Song: “Make America Great Again”
Suggested tweet: Song title and band name we can grab onto.
4. Artist: Boney M
Song: “Rasputin” (pronounced rass-poo-TEEN)
Relevant lyric: Ra, ra, Rasputin
Lover of the Russian Queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Ra, ra, Rasputin
Russia’s greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on
Suggested tweet: So who’s Russia’s greatest love machine, now? Eh?
5. Artists: Red Russian Army Choir & Leningrad Cowboys
Song: Happy Together
Relevant lyric: Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together
Suggested tweet: Turtles weak, low-energy; this has strength for manly world leaders. Like us.